This afternoon has been a bit rough. I have a friend that I thought was one of my best friends, who I could trust, and who cared about me basically tell me I was wrong. I know what I've done, and what they think I've done, and I wish I could make it all better. But I can't. I can't change it at all.
SO I guess that means I need to come to terms with it. With the Bipolar though, that's easier said than done. My emotions have been swinging like MAD since the whole thing started. GRRR! It's seriously frustrating to have no control over your emotions and moods. Like, SERIOUSLY annoying. It's something I'm still coming to terms with, now that I have a name for what I've been dealing with for most of my life.
I'm just blessed that my family and most of my friends are as understanding as they are. I know there are a few who don't, and I've got to be ok with that. It will ruin my day/ life if I let it get to me every time someone doesn't like me. I am me. I do what I do, how I do it, when I do it because that's who I am. I can't just snap my fingers and change it. Trust me, I've tried.
I just wish it were easier to explain to people.
But it's not, and I can't, so I don't know what to do about it other than come to terms with it and move on. I just hope they can forgive me in the future. I'm on the path to getting better. I can do this. I know I can. It's gonna be a long road, but I WILL get there!
Thank you for reading. This Manic Monday has DEFINTELY been a MANIC MONDAY, lol. WAY too much going on right now. WAY too much. But it's ok. I will be ok.
In fact, I'm fine.
Now, You will come to know what "Fine" really means if you don't already. I'll explain now, actually, so you know for the future.
"I'm Fine" means I don't want to talk about it. "I'm Fine" means that I'm not doing so great, but I really don't want anybody else to know. "I'm fine" means I need help - even if it's just prayers/ happy thoughts sent my way. "I'm fine" means everything but.
So watch for that word if you want to know what's really going on. Cause I tend to use it a lot. Especially right now.
Maybe at my next Red Rock appointment we can address some of the things that are going on right now. And HOPEFULLY we can figure out a way to work through it easier than I know how to right now. Ya know? Guess we will see though, right?
Anyway, today has been a pretty icky MS day too. My legs are tingling and weak, and I keep stumbling into things. My whole body feels like it's shaking. My eyes don't want to cooperate AT ALL. And I've had a migraine (which I hear is more common in MS than some other things). Just an all around BLAH day. And on top of it, my heart keeps skipping beats (pretty sure I have an arrhythmia - just not diagnosed yet) which makes me dizzy and makes it a bit hard to breathe. YAY fun, haha. Oh well, can't change it either. So Just gotta deal with it.
My girlies are home now. YAY! I miss them while they are away at school. I think that's a big part of why I want to homeschool next year. That on top of my oldest getting picked on and teased. I think it will do us ALL some good to have that time together, learning new stuff and things. :)
Now, I'm gonna go run a match of PVP in Guild Wars and figure out what we need to pick up at the store.
LATER TATER
LYNZ
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