All in one since I didn't get a chance to write yesterday
SO WHAT WEDNESDAY
So what if I don't want to do the things I need to do. Sometimes I just need a break. Is that REALLY such a bad thing?
So what if I've admitted that I'm suicidal. It's better that I talk about it then hold it in and do something stupid right?
So what if I went to the wrong courthouse first yesterday because I didn't realize it wasn't up there. We ended up in the right place, so that's all that matters right?
So what if I just want to curl up and sleep for a month. I know my problems would still be there when I woke up, but at least I'd finally be rested.
So what if I draw on myself. It keeps me from cutting, and that's the important part, right? Haven't cut in over a week now, so I'm pretty darn happy with that.
So what if I rely on my friends so much. They are what's helping to keep me alive (along with my family of course)
So what if I'm writing this post a day late. Yesterday was stupid and I barely had a chance to sit down and catch my breath, let alone post a blog.
So what if the only thing I've eaten today is a few laffy taffy and 3 French toast sticks. I'm not hungry, and I had to force myself just to eat that.
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Throwback Thursday
Pics of my grandmas with their great grandgirls. I love these pics so much. They all look so happy! :) I can tell the girls were all having such a good time.
My girls school pictures from last year. It's amazing to me how much they've grown in just a year! So proud of the girls they've become! They are amazing littles, and I wouldn't trade them for the world!
Pic with Grandpa Joe right after his open heart surgery. So thankful that he pulled through that time. We got a few more years with him, and I'm thankful for that!
Me and my sister when we were little. So cute. WHAT HAPPENED? lol. I love my little sis! She is amazing, and a bright spot in my life!
And last but not least is the pic of my mom, my dad, and I when I was SUPER super little. Love pics that show parts of my past. They always make me smile. :)
And that's throwback Thursday for today
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This morning Ivy had two appointments out at Red Rock. Her first was with Justina, the med doctor. She upped her meds and changed it so she takes them at night.
Then we went and grabbed something to eat. Then took her back for her second appointment which is her talk therapy. She always seems a little happier after that's over cause she can talk to them without fear, and that's something that I guess we have a hard time doing at home. I know I've got a lot to work on with her, so we've both just got to keep pushing through.
And while we were up there, I spoke to my old case worker. I admitted that I've been fighting suicidal thoughts for about a week, and she had her supervisor come in and evaluate my needs. To see if I needed to be inpatient, or if I just needed some more help. We decided that I don't need inpatient, and worked up a safety plan. And if I get bad enough, I'm to go to the crisis center. SOO, that's something that was a little difficult. Glad it's done though. I just have to push through till the 13th, and hopefully Dr Bayne will be able to tweak my meds enough that this depression will go away. It was bad enough that I was actually crying, which I rarely do anymore. So that tells you how bad it was, heh.
Now I'm just home for a few mins till time to go do lunch with Ruben. Then I'll have a couple hours to kill before I have to go get the girls. I'm hoping my friend will be able to come over again, cause I could use the girl time. Ya know? Just someone who understands me, which Heather does. She's been there. She deals with the same things, so she is someone I can talk to and not have to worry about her thinking I'm insane and beyond help. That means a lot to me.
Anyway, Gonna jump off here.
HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING AN AWESOME DAY!
LATER TATER!
LYNZ
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