DON'T WASTE YOUR SPOONS

I heard a story a while back that really hits home with me. Especially with the MS.  And it's the spoon theory.  Now. Imagine this....

 

When you wake up in the morning, you are given 10 spoons.  And those spoons are the amount of things you can do in one day. 

 

Now, remember, Getting dressed, fixing your hair, cooking, cleaning, going to run errands, etc, ALL take spoons.  So what do you do? What do you let go?

 

Some days are easier than others. Some days you have more spoons.  But some days, you have even less.

 

Today is one of those LESS days for me.  I got up and got dressed (1 spoon) I took my husband to work and my kids to school. (1 spoon)  I've finished organizing the clothes in my bedroom. (1 spoon) And that's all my body seems to want to do.  At least for now. Maybe later I can find some more spoons so I can get stuff done.  There's still a TON to get done around here since we moved, so I SERIOUSLY need to find more spoons, lol.

 

 

But, in other news

 

I'm going to share some about my past. 

Now, nothing HORRIBLE happened to me.  Not really.  I was raised in a very religious family.  We went to church 3 times a week, and went out in field service once a week.  We didn't celebrate holidays, or birthdays.  We were just there to do Gods work. And it wasn't all that bad (despite how it sounds, lol).  It was hard sometimes to be a kid and not get to do things like Christmas, or Birthday parties, or Halloween.  But you got used to it.

But my senior year in high school, everything in my life changed.  I had met a guy that was AWESOME. He filled my days with smiles, and always made me feel better about myself, even when the world seemed to be falling apart around me. He was everything to me.

 

He was a year older than me, and had graduated the year before.  And we had planned on getting married when I graduated.  But in October of my senior year in high school, just months away from graduation and being able to get married, Something HORRIBLE happened. 

I'd been talking to him that day, and he seemed down and depressed.  I spent HOURS trying to talk him down. To make him feel better. To make him see how much he meant to me.  But it didn't work. And that day, he killed himself right in front of me. Shot himself in the head.

 

That sent me on a downward spiral.  I did things I regret, I started cutting, I started drinking. I just started to NOT CARE about myself or my life.  I even tried to kill myself (sorry mom for never telling you if you read this).  But I had an amazing friend who talked me down and made me see that it's worth living.  So I'm still here today because of them. So THANK YOU!

 

But I never told ANYBODY want happened.  SO FEW knew. I hid it from everyone. I just dealt with it alone. And it built and built and built.  And finally, In November of last year, I hit a breaking point. I was ready to kill myself again. I had written my letter, had everything planned out, and had even written up a will of sorts.  But then one of my friends (who is the most awesome person in my life some days, lol) came over and LITERALLY fought me for the stuff I was going to use.  He saved my life.  And not long after that is when they deputy told me to get help.  I've been in treatment for 6 months now, and I'm finally starting to be happy, and healthy (I even lost 3 pounds this last month, YAY!).  I am blessed to still be here, and I'm doing everything in my power to enjoy every moment of this life.

 

After my senior year, I started working at a movie theatre.  I loved the job, even getting promoted to concession manager, than to a relief manager (floating manager, if you will).  It was a lot of fun (and seeing movies for free didn't hurt either, haha). It was while I was working at the movie theatre that I met the man that is now my husband.  He is amazing. He's been working a job he hates for the last 10 years (most of it working nights) to make sure to keep a roof over our head and food in our stomachs.  He is there for me when things start to go all wonky (Which they still do) and to show me how amazing I am to him too.  We have been married since 2002 (legally). Hard to believe it's been 13 years now!  EEK! 

 

We have two amazing little girls.  One is 11 and the other is 6, and they are both the most beautiful, smart, and funky little girls out there (yeah, a little biased, I know, haha).  They are all three the reason I get up in the morning, put on a happy face (even when my brain is going insane) and face the world. Without them, I'm not sure I'd still be here today.  And that's the Gods honest truth.

 

But I am, and I'm BLESSED to be here.  I see each day as a new chance to make a HUGE difference in someone's life.  And I strive to do that in one way or another every single day.

 

This life is a blessing.
And it is amazing

and beautiful

and crazy

 

But it's life

And it's definetly worth living.

 

OK, Till later
LYNZ